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いつでも捜しているよ
どっかに君の破片を
旅先の店 新聞の隅
こんなとこにあるはずもないのに
One More Time, One More Chance by 山崎 まさよし
For non-Japanese listeners, you can read the lyrics HERE and be swept by the lyrics of the song
どっかに君の破片を
旅先の店 新聞の隅
こんなとこにあるはずもないのに
One More Time, One More Chance by 山崎 まさよし
For non-Japanese listeners, you can read the lyrics HERE and be swept by the lyrics of the song
...
Makoto Shinkai has done it again. This has got to be a winning streak for him.
His book 'Voices of a Distant Star (ほしのこえ)'' made me weep for 2 days non-stop.
My first movie from him ' The Place Promised in Our Early Days (雲のむこう、約束の場所)' moved me so much that I cried so much the whole night through I realized I couldn't sleep at all.
And now, his latest work, '5 Centimeters Per Second: a chain of short stories about their distance (秒速５センチメートルアチェインオブショートストリーズアバウトゼアディスタンス' has made me cry during Part 2 and Part 3 during the song (which is the one you are hearing right now) but in the end, it has released a great burden from my heart.
I have learned that letting go is part of life, and part of growing up.
I seriously recommend watching it, even though you don't really like animation.
Makoto's work is so deep and so real, I'll bet my bottom dollar that the cruel will be moved.
Those who are around my college who want to watch this, you can ask me for the DVD : )
---------------
... I don't know. After that show, I feel like if I don't say it now and keep it all in my heart, it'll never go.
The shadows that stain my heart, desperately clinging onto it.
But I really want to let this out.
I don't care who reads it anymore - It doesn't matter.
This is my informal letter to those 5 special men.
To you,
I know you are always with me. I have often regretted breaking you. Sometimes to the point that I keep blaming myself if it was my fault for walking out on you when you were always, always hanging onto that thin rope. Desperately, deep inside, I have always wanted you to save me. 'Hold me'. 'Stay by my side.' 'Tell me it's all going to be okay between us.' Those are the words the child in me 7 years ago, pleading for a savior. I always tried to forget that day, and I know how much I've tried to drown my misery away by smiling. I know those 7 years together we shared our fair ups and downs, and that we never really understood each other. We were just hoping that our fairytale ending would last - where the prince who has met his princess would ride off to the sunset, pushing through all the hardships and live happily ever after - wasn't that what we always wanted to believe in? Heh... I guess I was still young then. Our age difference is a huge gap, despite the fact we try to hide it and say it's alright, we'll pull through... somehow. Maybe I just wanted you to keep by my side... and just for once, give me a simple gesture of love. Don't tell me you love me - Words don't show me. Touch my face. Hold my hand. Hold me. I'm only human - it's only natural to want all these things, right? I still find it hard to get over you not being around here anymore - It hurts not being able to apologize to the one man I would never see again. If I could repent, I'd cry for you a well full of tears. Maybe I'm just using you as an excuse to not be able to forgive myself. Hahaha... how unslightly. This was not the girl you fell in love with, didn't you? I'm still the same crybaby, always clinging onto someone when I need him the most. But I changed a lot, because of you, and that is something I must thank you for, even though it was something you didn't expect it to be. I know that you are watching over me, so I want the world to know this... That I did love you. That I never regretted being with you. And thankful that you were my first. God bless you soul.
To you,
It's been 7 years. Everytime I meet you, I fall in love with you all over again. It's strange. You were the affection I sought when he couldn't give me enough. I was just a leech, hoping that someday you would love me. But things like that don't happen. My words choke. My chest tightens. My body burns. And things are left unsaid. You know, at every gathering, I always hoped to see you. And you would always be there, when I turn. Just when I thought I got over you, I fall in love with you all over again. But I'm growing up - I can't keep harping on you, hoping that you will return me what I want. I question myself sometimes, if I accomplished that goal, would I ever be happy as I believed I would have been? Maybe. But I'm a pessimist - Eternity never lasts. Human affections sustains as long as someone feels that constant amount of affection given. I'm afraid I'm not that type to give you that constant affection you need. Maybe I have mistook your brotherly affections back then as something I sought out which I couldn't attain. Despite the years, I am always the little girl you saw back then. And to me, you remained the same person who gave that same kind of affection and stare... I am going to find that one day, when I turn my head, you won't be there. I'd cry. I'd run and hide. I might even throw a little fit. But I will get over you. I'm not afraid to meet you eye-to-eye now.
To you,
In that short period of 5 years, we have become the closest of all closest friends. There was no one who understood me like you did. You knew the exact time to call, you knew the exact lines to say, in fact I could even say that you were my other half. But we couldn't be the lovers we wanted to be. You were a dreamer, and I... I was being real to myself. Still, we're still the bestest of best friends, are we not? No, not friends. We have transcended friendship and love, maybe even family. Our relationship is just as beautiful as it is - and I'm happy with the way things are. I can't hide anything from you... even if I tried : ) You just knew me, the real me, and that is something no one could ever accomplish in life. And I am happy. Always happy when it's you. And calls from Korea always works for me ; D
To you,
I used to believe that my fate will change. I fell in love for the artist in you. In fact, I was happy like this; a relationship without any attachments, with less commitments but only one rule to play. I gave you the freedom to do anything you want and the one thing you could at least give me was your trust. You agreed. But slowly, you grew into the green-eyed demon and I became so tied down, there were times I wanted to leave but I stayed, hoping that you'd change. My convictions couldn't be proved, and I realize that staying with you even more will kill me even more by the day. I don't regret loving you, but I don't regret leaving you either. I am not one who would be able to live an honest relationship without trust. Long distance relationships don't always work - and I'm a believer.
To you,
I am happy that you are always here with me, even until now. But our fates aren't too happy. Even though we're that close, we just never meet up. Isn't that strange? But I love your honesty. I love everything about you, even though what people tell you. I feel like a high schooler again, having a huge crush on her senior. That's figurative speech - for... how do you put it? Ah, innocence. Even though you didn't have the right words to say, you were always so kind and so honest with me. And that's what I love about you. I know that we'll never meet again, our paths just never seem to cross, do they? But the brief period of time we had made me happy. And I am thankful for having you in my life. There's a part of me that just screams "Please stop being so kind to me. That's so cruel." I wonder if you ever noticed that - and yet you repeat it all the time. It breaks me. Still... you're a part of my life that I want to look back as the one I could've said something but I didn't say anything at all. If we do ever meet up again, maybe I could say it to you. If that is my feelings can sustain that lengthy period. Still, I know that you will achieve your dreams- you're already on your way to making it come true. And I will go on my own path. And that's how we grow up.
With all that said,
I am ready to move on with my life.
: )
I apologize to all my girls that I have caused so much grief, to all the men that I have hurt throughout my pain, and to all the rest of the people who deserves an apology from me for everything I have done.
I thank you for always being there with me.
My heart feels lighter now.
-googoogajoob-
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: 
Finally feels better
Finally feels betterCurrent Music: One More Time, One More Chance (Solo Version) by Yamazaki Masayoshi
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